Trials and Blessings

The Lord continues to bless me as I am wading thigh high in trials. So often, I feel as if I am not going to make it. My dad said to me today, after I told him that the timing just isn't good (for backing into the car), "Daughter, when is there a good time?" Such a true statement. There is never a "good" time for the trials that unfold before us, as we see it. The Lord, on the other hand, has a "good" timing for each of the trials that come our way. As frustrating and heart-breaking as the trials are, I know that if I follow the Lord's counsel, He will see me through each and every one of them.

I read in the Ensign, Jan. 2010, an article by Elder Stanley G. Ellis, titled "What Should We Do When We Don't Know What To Do? He outlined 6 things that helped me remember what is MOST important.
1 - Seek answers through study and prayer.
2 - Obey the commandments.
3 - Trust in the Lord and in His Promises.
4 - Follow the prophet.
5 - Go forward in faith, not fear. (I needed to be reminded of this one, especially)
6 - Complete our mission.

Counsel from Boyd K. Packer: "Always, always follow the promptings of the Spirit."

I am grateful for my older brother, Jesus Christ. For His unselfish love for each and every one of us.

The boys and I have been so blessed this past year, and many prior, by so many wonderful and loving angels who were placed in our path. We love you and are so grateful for each of you!

Merry Christmas.

How much more to get rid of?

The boys and I are moving again.......we will be "temporarily" living with Rachel and Ryan while I am seeking employment and a place for the boys and I. We are moving from my friend, Deanna's house, the day after Christmas

Penguins in North Carolina?

After dropping some things off at my parents home, Sam and Jake decided it would be fun to do some sliding on the ice in their driveway. At first I was concerned, until I realized, they were having fun, what's a few more bumps and bruises? As I watched my children take running starts and belly flop onto the ice like penguins, I couldn't help myself, and had to laugh.

Not even planned.....

Today started as a normal day....with the only scheduled appointment for the day at the vet - to change Diesel's splint. While waiting, I noticed how cute the boys looked, all in blue, sitting in 2 chairs. So I took pictures. The day has ended with the neighbor's car, having a gash in the bumper (1 inch long), and he was VERY angry. I was very grateful that there was no other damage, except my feelings after he cursed me out, and the fact that it is Dad's truck I am driving right now, and not mine. My truck is getting a new water pump. Trying to feel the Holly Jolly spirit right now......

Broken Bones

About a month ago, Sam took the dog out on a leash, in the dark, to go to the bathroom.....Next thing I heard was a lot of yelping and yelling from Diesel and Sam. As I ran out of the house, Sam was running across the yard sobbing, holding a crying Diesel, who had an obvious broken leg. Trying to remain calm myself I held Diesel's leg together and held him against me as I tried to figure out how to handle the situation. Aunt Rachel to the rescue! I text her and asked her to find an emergency vet (this all happened at 9pm) At one point, Sam, Jake and Ty, as well as Diesel and Jett (another puppy in the house) were all crying at the same time in the kitchen. Asking Sam to collect himself because I needed his help, I tried to engage him in medical conversation to help him focus. Eventually we came up with splinting with legos, it turned out great! Emergency vet didn't even charge - they said we stabilized the break excellently and just needed to add another inch. He is still trying to heal - it is going to be a long healing process for him. All bones were broken at an angle in his leg. He has been such a trooper!!! The vet has been wonderful and very kind to us.

Random pictures of all of us

Snow/Small Dog/Splint that needs to stay dry

'Tis the season to be sick...

We have certainly had our moments of being sick. Within the last 3 weeks, I have had bronchitis, Jake had pneumonia and Ty was borderline pneumonia, and almost hospitalized for weight loss. He lost 3 pounds, dipping under 19lbs for the first time since arriving in North Carolina. As of last Tuesday, he weighed 18lbs 11 oz. No bueno!! Dr. threatened to put him in the hospital if he continued throwing up....he is still at home and as of Monday, Dec. 21, had gained 1lb 4oz back! Yay!! Poor Ty HATES going to the doctor - if he sees anyone in scrubs now, he ducks and refuses to look at that person. This picture was taken while we were waiting for the doctor to come in the room. He was angry that I had the camera in front of him....

Sweet Moments with the little people in our lives

I knew I needed to get at least 1 post on here before the year ended. So much has been happening in our lives - where to even start?

Tuesday, Dec. 15 - As the boys and I finished reading scriptures for the night, Sam spoke up and said, "I really like it when you read, mom." Ty looked at me and yelled at the top of his lungs, "More!" as he used sign language and signed more at the same time. Ty then took my scriptures from me, and gently flipped thru the pages. It was a very sweet ending to the night with the boys.

One Sunny Day in North Carolina

It was so beautiful outside today, we went for a walk. It has been raining for the last week (compliments of Hurricane Ida?) It has been cold, yucky, and stay inside kind of weather.
Sam roller bladed, Jake walked, Ty did the stroller, Diesel walked, most of the walk. At the end of the walk, the pot of gold... The playground. Jake and Sam had a great time running around.
Deanna (Ty's occupational therapist, and our roommate) did some therapy. He responded well, with the exception of the swing......

Twas the Night Before Halloween

We discovered when making a last run for the final items for Sam's costume on Friday night, that KMart had activities for children throughout the store. The one that Sam enjoyed the most was the create a Mummy. I was offered by the employee as the subject to mummify, but Sam wanted to make Jake into a mummy. The picture shows the extent of his patience, and Jakes. When it was Sams turn, Jake refused and told me I could do it. I had a little fun....

Diesel

The dog is Diesel.....he has been so much fun, for all of us. He loves to play with all 3 boys, and loves to snuggle with me, and Jake begs for him to sleep with, every night. He is not a yappy dog and has been so tolerable of Ty pulling him, pushing him, laying on him, dragging him. He is fun!

Getting Older

I appear to be aging....not sure when this happened. I look at the picture I have put on for the main picture, and then I look at this picture. I don't feel older, but looking at the faces of my children, I am definately getting older because they are growing up. I believe this is why I color my hair. It hides the evidence of me getting older.

Ty will be starting pre-school in a few days - again, another indication that I am getting older. I have really struggled with him getting older. He and I have sort of been so connected since conception. After birth, when he lived in the NICU for 88 days, there were very few days I didn't see him. Once home, he pretty much, went and did everything with me. That hasn't changed over the past 3 years. It is now.

All 3 of my children will be in school, as of November 9, 2009, ALL DAY LONG!!!!!!!!!

A Boy and his Puppy

Twizzlers Vs. Tweezers

Twizzlers are a popular brand of fruit snack in the United States (often called a licorice fruit snack, though usually incorrectly since most of its flavors do not contain the licorice extract of traditional black licorice). They are the product of Y&S Candies, Inc., of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, now a subsidiary of The Hershey Company.


Main Entry: twee·zers
Pronunciation: 'twE-z&rz
Function: noun plural but singular or plural in construction
: any of various small metal instruments that are usually held between the thumb and forefinger, are used for plucking, holding, or manipulating, and consist of two legs joined at one end

After hearing Sam complain about a sliver or 'something is stuck in my finger', Jake piped up, "You can get it out, all you need are the Twizzlers!"

Poor Jake could not understand why this was so funny to the rest of us.

I was just trying to do it by myself.........

Sam was told to take his laundry basket to the laundry room. (I did not expect him to do anything with it, I was in the middle of therapy with Ty and Kathy). Next thing I know, Sam is standing next to me, and says, "I put the the blue stuff in the little container," showing me with his hands the little container. Being the reactionary mom that I am, "WHAT???????? you put the laundry soap in the bleach thing? Why don't you ask questions BEFORE you do things like this???? This is just like the oil in the gasoline tank!!!!" AAAAAAAAAAAgh. We went upstairs, and Aunt Julie showed him how to pour water in to help dilute. I don't think I am going to make it thru motherhood........

Peach Jam

I took the boys with Aunt Rachel to the Farmers Market yesterday. I have been wanting to go for so long now....I sent the boys on a mission. Sam was to go to every booth and write down the cost of the peaches, and how they were sold. Jake was to find the green beans and do the same. Jake came back with 2 entries, and Sam wrote so many down that it was impossible to check them all out. What they don't know is that it was just to keep them busy :) It was fun. We bought a big bag of green beans for Uncle Pete and Aunt Julie to do some more canning (we ate the majority of their green beans upon moving here). I bought a big basket of peaches and made peach jam. I have never done this before and it was so fun!! I want to do some freezer peach jam today. I made 8 1/2 pints.

Sam, CC and Brey

When we spend the night at Rachel and Ryan's - my children think it is freezing cold, hence the footie pajamas in the middle of summer.

Sipping thru the straw cup!!!!

I bought a cup with a straw, put some apple juice in it....he sipped it for Aunt Rachel in the back seat while I was driving :)

Toothless wonder

Jake pulled out his tooth yesterday, and is eagerly trying to pull the other out today. Can't wait for the attempts of 'suffering succotash'. The black eye is from head banging with Frankie - Rachel's dog.

My August Resolutions.......

Ok, so here it is, August of 2009.....I haven't updated in forever, and Facebook has consumed me. I love finding friends - I am an addict! I admit it. If there is a Facebook anonymous group that I need to attend, sign me up. I have been finding so many friends from my childhood/youth days, that I can hardly stand it. Unfortunately, as well as finding friends and reconnecting, I have also discovered sad news of good friends who have passed away. Oh how my heart hurts when I find this out. One would think that after no contact for so many years, the hurt would not be so fresh, so close to the surface. For me, it is. I remember my brother telling me that I cry so easily that even Kleenex commercials make me cry. Can't help it that I'm a softie. The memories come flooding back so quickly. I am so grateful for the wonderful influences of church leaders from my youth days. Teachings that have left an eternal impact in my life. I have been so blessed.

I really will update this on a more frequent basis. (there, it is in writing, it is more than a wish now!!!)

I am a Slacker....sort of but not really

I really was going to update the blog on Wednesday....but other things happened first. Ty had his 2 hours of therapies today (physical and occupational - in the opposite order). He stood for the first time!!!!!!!!!! He was using a 'stander' - resembles a wheel chair, but there is no seat. He is strapped in and can't go anywhere. He was even using his hands to move the wheels!!!! I do have pictures - but I can't find my purse and am hoping it is at Deborah's house. Hoping is the wrong word - PRAYING!!!! My camera is in my purse. After therapies, boys came home, we went to Deborah and Andy's house, I helped Deborah with an object lesson she is doing on Sunday, and by the time we got home....it was after 7pm, made dinner, said good night to boys, Ty was exhausted, put him to bed, helped grade math papers for Julie, I should be in bed. I will go now. Good-night!!!

Dirty boys

Pete decided to transplant some trees from the forest on the edge of the property. Sam and Jake were more than happy to assist. The trees are still standing in good form.

Diggin' in the Dirt

Valentine Cookies with little people - Feb. 12, 2009

I did not post pictures of the other children that were there - need permission first.....Stacey and Dana - I do have some pictures if you want them :) I'm not sure how many little people arrived at Liisa Mecham's for cookie decorating - but it was very entertaining! Sprinkles everywhere! No children over the age of 4 - you can only imagine. Ty enjoyed himself - a little.....

Valentine Cookies with pre-schoolers

The IKEA journey on Feb. 19, 2009

Grand Opening for IKEA in Charlotte, NC. Friends, Alicia and Trish and we each had one little one with us (except Trish, who is pregnant)...went south for the morning. It was pouring down rain, most of the way there (1 1/2 hour drive). We were not one of the first 2500 people, so we didn't get discount tickets. But we got there within 2 hours of it opening and only took 20 minutes to park after exiting the freeway. It was so well organized, it was truly amazing. We zoomed on through upstairs and downstairs in less than 2 hours, purchased a mirror, pillow and 2 computer desks...... and still made it home in time for the kids to get off the bus!

It was very fun!!

IKEA SHOW

SNOW SHOW

HAPPY MARCH!!!

Time is flying by. We started March out with lots of rain, and then snow. The snow started falling by 7:30pm, Sunday night. It didn't stop until early hours of Monday. School was cancelled by 9:30pm (Sunday). School has also been cancelled for Tuesday...this was posted by 12am on the news channel. School cancelled in Utah - what would that be like?

We received between 4-7 inches. Ty watched out the window for a little while this morning. Last night while it was snowing, I turned out the kitchen lights and had the outside lights on. He sat in his high chair and giggled and squealed as he watched the snow falling. I took him outside a few times to "get closer". It was hard not to giggle as he did. Jake came downstairs, hmm, a few times, for this or for that - he was soo excited about the snow. After I told him to go look at the snow and then go to bed, he did much better. The boys had a little bit of fun, playing in the snow today. They were out the door by 9:15a.

Jake is enjoying annoying everyone so he can have more attention. Sam is on new medication - seems to do be doing better with it - only has to take it once/day. The psychiatrist believes he has an auditory processing disorder. This just means his brain doesn't hear everything in the same order and is EXTREMELY/EASILY distracted. I am now reading a book about it, and have things in place at school for evaluations by a team of teachers on how to help him be a better student.

Sam received his Webelos from Cub Scouts and 2nd place in the Pinewood Derby, last week. He is now an official '11 year-old Scout'. Since our ward does not have an 11 year-old scout leader, and Sam is 1 of 2 '11 year-old scouts', he and Tanner will be joining in with the older boys until they receive a leader. Sam will not be able to participate with scouts until baseball ends. Practice is starting this Thursday (same night as scouts) and starting in April - games will be Tuesdsays/Thursdays or Saturdays.

Ty's therapy's have started with a full bang. Educational therapy on Tuesdays, Occupational/Physical therapy on Wednesdays, Speech therapy on Wednesdays too. Speech might change to a different day - don't know yet. Have only seen her once, so far. Speech cancelled last week because her children had the flu, and educational has cancelled for tomorrow due to illness. This Wednesday, Ty has a swallow study instead of occupational therapy. They want to make sure everything is where it is supposed to be. (it is).............he is eating all the time now, only receiving 500cc's of Pediasure/day. Only thing he hates to do is drink. He will put all food in his mouth, but if I try to get him to drink - NO GO. Even with a new 'Honey Bear' cup - he refuses. The 'honey bear' cup has a straw (looks just like a honey bear with honey container)and I can control the fluid. He won't do it. If I give him a cup he won't take it....small trials - but I'll gladly take 'em. He is making more sounds everyday that sound like words, he is starting to make animal sounds and signs with me. We have been working on giraffe, panda, lion, monkey, bird, too cute!!!!

Blocks in Blocks out

Ty started educational therapy today. Basically - playtime. The most exciting thing was that he, without help, took blocks out of a bottle, put them in a pile, after some coaching from me, "No! Stop throwing them over there!" He put them in the pile, then put them back in the bottle, AND then tried to screw the lid back on!!!!! He has never done that before! We are having lots of firsts, too exciting!!!!

Some Days Are Diamonds that hopefully last all day!

Sam was actually happy when he woke up this morning! Usually he is angry, the moment there is any human contact. He had asked me last night to make pancakes for breakfast, so I did. He was nice to be around. Jake even got up without a fuss - something must be going on :) Jake doesn't always like to eat breakfast at home, even when he does, he knows there are more options at school. Sam does the same thing. I have Hobbit children - 1st breakfast, 2nd breakfast, and so on.

Ty ate shepherd's pie last night with us for dinner! We are still practicing on the "close the mouth to keep liquid in" concept. He did form his lips around the sippy cup last night - I'm glad there wasn't a camera around while I was demonstrating to him how to shape his lips.

Baseball is getting ready to start - Sam cannot wait. Evaluations are this Saturday, he will have the opportunity to strut his stuff. Sam also gets to compete in his last pinewood derby event, next week. He will be awarded his Webelos this month. There wasn't a pack meeting last month.

Woo Hoo!!

Yesterday was a FABULOUS day! Ty ate a 1/2 sandwich - the whole thing. I am still smiling. This morning, as I type, he is working on a pop tart. He has finished 3/4 of it. He is also covered in chocolate and marshmallow, but he's eating!

The weather yesterday was in the mid 60's, today it is supposed to be in the 70's. It is still winter, but the daffodils are trying to bloom. I think a cold front is coming thru next week, again. Can't say I hate the warm weather. We have the windows open, lots of sunshine. Lots of smiles from Ty. Who can ask for more?

I have been working with Ty to help him shut his lips when drinking. He has done it successfully a few times. He still thinks his tongue should be straight out, and mouth wide open, when drinking.

I am also discovering that this blog is more of a journal than I ever gave myself credit for. I need to start putting in things everyday. Baby steps. Need to watch What About Bob, again.

Ok - I have now successfully added a slide show - hours of mistakes - but finally there! I am so excited! Now I have a few photographs to add.

I'm sure I will update this more, later :) Can't have too many updates, right?

Enjoy the show!

A New Week, A New Month

Ty is now big enough to put his backpack that holds his pump, on his back. I tried this the other day to see if it would slow him down any. It has, sort of. When he scoots along now, it sounds like he has a wooden leg. Slide, bump, slide, bump. The backpack is exactly the same length as his upper body, so as he scoots, the bottom of the pack thumps the floor. At this very moment, he is busy throwing all clothes out of the one of the boys baskets... they used to be folded.

Jake had a productive week of deciding to give himself a partial haircut. According to him, his hair was too long, so he took matters into his own hands, while at school. I think I did a very good job of trimming it to blend. I can still see his cut marks.....he screamed like a banshee the entire time I cut his hair - everytime he would move, and sometimes not, the scissors would pull at least one small hair. Ouch. I think he made it 3 days this week without hitting someone at school or on the bus.

Sam. Sam has his oh so sweet moments. Sam has his oh so I am not going to cause bodily harm to him moments. He didn't receive any 'F' grades on his report card - this is better than I thought he would get. He has been reading really well this week. I started a book with him, and he loved it so much, he didn't wait for me to read with him, the 2nd day...He has now started the other book from the library, without me. Something about mutant underwear, I think.

Last week, Ty and I met his new endocrinologist. I like him. We then met with his new occupational and physical therapists for their first time evaluations. We are going to try these sessions back to back, once a week. 2 hours on Wednesdays each week, starting at the end of the month. Ty starts educational therapy this week - this will be once a week. He will also have a swallow study done on Thursday. Speech therapy will begin sometime soon. This therapy will be twice a week - 30 minutes each.

Tomorrow morning - my adventure with putting more pictures on this blog and trying to figure out how to put other things on as well, begins.......

Rachel, my youngest sister, got married in November. She and Ryan were finally able to have their reception, last night. It was fun. We ate lots of no bake cookies, lemon bars, chocolate chip cookies, wheat thins with yummy fruit cheese dip stuff, shrimp cocktails, and sausage balls, peanuts and mints, and the Hawaiian punch with 7-UP drink. Lots of music, pretty pictures and friends made it a good night.

Sam's Day

January 28, 1998 - I remember it like yesterday. After 72 hours of being induced, my doctor singing Row, Row, Row Your Boat as he broke my water, and I cried; Sam came into this world via emergency c-section at 11:28p, on 01-28-98.

I can't believe my oldest is now 11. Such a strange feeling to realize he is growing older, while I don't feel any older, except in my bones.

Sam has gone through an awful lot in his short life. Many things I wish he never had to experience, but I suppose we all wish that for ourselves, as well as our loved ones. He is a good boy, with an extremely sweet heart.

I hope he has a wonderful birthday, and a memorable one.

My parents have invited us over for dinner tonight. When my mom asked what type of cake he wanted, he replied with, "Oh! Now that is an interesting idea. I want that cake that you put the powder stuff on." He is referring to what we call a wacky cake (no eggs). It is his favorite, just like his Uncle N8.

Happy birthday Sam! I love you!!!

The Joys of Cars or did I mean Woes?

Since arriving in North Carolina...I have not had a working vehicle, sigh. My brother Pete, and Julie, his wife, have shared a vehicle with me when I need/ask. (I hate asking).

This morning, we woke to 12' with a wind chill factor that made the temperature feel like 4'. Sort of bitterly cold.

Pete went out to start Julie's car for her at 6:45a, the car wouldn't start. After several failed attempts, Julie took the only other vehicle that is working.

Sam has a doctor's appointment - so I can get him more medication. I forgot to give him medication to go to school...at 7:15a text to Deborah, "Call me when you wake up..." (she is married to my brother, Andy)

She graciously took me over to give him medication. My mom and Dad are picking Ty and me up to go get Sam out of school, and they are taking us to the dr. appointment....

I so love not having a vehicle........I am feeling so sarcastic at the moment.

I also need to make 4 bundt pans of pull apart bread for family dinner tonight at my brother Gordon's new home. Yummmm.

You can't be talking about my child

As I was saying my good-byes to Sam and Jake at the top of the driveway, the bus driver said, "I need to talk to you," as he motioned me onto the bus. He spoke quietly, "I need to talk to you about Jake's behavior on the bus. He has been having a hard time staying in his seat, runs up and down the aisle. Not in the morning, but every afternoon. Maybe you could talk to him this afternoon? If I am in an accident and have to slam on my brakes....". I quickly looked at Jake, who was ducking down behind his seat, "I will be talking to you this afternoon, Jacob!"

Temporary Trials

In the south there are many churches with wonderful sayings on their marquee's. One of my favorite things to do while driving is to read them. On Friday, I had the opportunity to visit with my sister, Rachel, who lives in Asheville. As we passed a small church, their marquee caught my attention. If Rachel had not been able to write it down quickly, I would have turned the truck around, and gone back.

"There are eternal reasons for temporary trials"

I know I have always known this, but seeing it on the marquee, made me realize, yet again, the eternal perspective of my life. Heavenly Father loves each and everyone of us. I struggle everyday with my own trials, yet my Father in Heaven has not given me more than I can handle, He has not miscalculated my abilities. I have.

Just gave me food for thought.

Never a Dull Moment

Saturday, Ty was still not feeling well, I had him on slow feed of Pedialyte, had a fever. He tossed and turned all night long. Sunday morning he rolled off my bed (2 ft. fall). I was consoling him, thinking he had hit the back of his head - he continued to scream. Figured out rather quickly that he hit his forehead and now had a 2 in. goose egg. We stayed home from church.

He was feeling much better by the evening. I took him to choir practice with me at 6:30. Later in the evening, I was helping Julie grade some papers, when Spencer (14 year old nephew) commented, "Aunt Melanie, is Ty supposed to be connected to his tubing? Isn't that the button that is supposed to be in him?" Quick assessment - button was completely out, no water at all in the balloon. Ty was quiet as a mouse and enjoying his few moments of freedom from the tube.

Later, standing up with Ty from the rocking chair, I made sure he was attached, still, he was. I went to put him in bed, the button was again, out of him, balloon completely empty. Obvious malfunction - big time. Still not panicking, I found the brand new replacement button amongst all the medical supplies, and with Peter's help holding him still, I proceeded to replace the button. For the first time ever, the button did not go into his stomach as it was supposed to. Not panicking, yet, I tried again. It still did not go in his stomach where it was supposed to be. I said a quick, quiet prayer, and was able to get it where it was supposed to be.

Heavenly Father loves us. I am so grateful I did not have to take Ty to the emergency room. (This is one of my greatest fears, being new to the area, again).

On a lighter note....we had the missionaries in our home last night, to join us for dinner. As we were preparing to gather everyone at the table, Jake pulled me down so he could whisper in my ear, "Mom, which one of them is President Uchtdorf?" We have been praying for the missionaries and for the First Presidency in our family prayers, I guess they are one and the same for Jake.

It is OK to be invisible

I just received this in an email - so worthy of sharing with all my SUPER MOM friends and friends someday to be moms. Love you all!!

Invisible Moms

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?" Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on thephone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it?" I'm a satellite guide to answer,"What number is the Disney Channel?" I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30, please." I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a hair clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this." It was a book on the great cathedralsof Europe.. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "To Carol , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."
In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their buildingwas fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything. A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it." And the workman replied, "Because God sees."
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."
At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a d isease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.
When I really think about it, I don't want my daughter to tell the friend she's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for thetable." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want her to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to her friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there."
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.